Tears on my knife
by HetalianWriterGirl
Summary: Why do I care if he leaves? He can leave. He's supposed to leave. People always leave me. He couldn't possibly stay with me forever. Even thought I wish he could. His warmth. His steady heart beat. I missed him already. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Repeated itself in my mind. His cowlick. Glasses. Bomber jacket. Joyful blue eyes... Everything.
1. Chapter 1

Natalya's POV

I sighed as I looked around my room. Everything was depressing and boring at my place. Big brother Russia, and big sister Ukraine have interesting houses, but mine. It's boring. I looked at the pale yellow light coming in thru the window, reflecting on the wall. I sighed again and made a promise that I would try and make the place a little interesting...later...maybe. I swung a leg out of my bed and then the other. I yawned and shivered at the same time as I stood up. I looked at my knife, sitting on the nightstand. Dried blood on it. A reminder. I shook my head and tossed it in a drawer. I felt familiar tears well in my eyes, as I thought of what had happened in the last few weeks. A few weeks ago I had gone to the doctors and they had told me I was clinically depressed. The only reason I had gone to the doctors was because, I was stupid. Ukraine came for a visit. I was dressed as I was now, a tank top and a pair of short shorts, I wasn't expecting anyone. I went to open the door. Mistake one. I opened the door. Mistake two. I let her see me. Mistake three. When I opened the door, her blue eyes took in everything. The next minute I was being rushed to the hospital. I remember the car ride, as she cried and asked me why I would to that to myself. Why I would cut myself. I didn't respond. I only asked one thing from her. To not tell big brother, I could only imagine his disappointed face. She said she wouldn't, if I never cut myself again. I said I wouldn't. But I had. Every single day...for the last three weeks... I felt pathetic... No I was pathetic. I walked into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I walked into my room and was about to close the door when I heard a noise. The noise seemed to be coming from down stairs. I grabbed a robe to cover the cuts that littered my skin from my wrist to my shoulders. I wrapped the robe on securely and reached into my drawer taking my knife out. My fingers trembled as they came in contact with the dry blood. I held the knife securely as I walked thru the hall, towards the stairs. I could hear whistling. I cocked an eyebrow in confusion as I walked down the stairs, the knife held securely in my hand. I could hear the noise was coming from the kitchen. I lunged at the back of a man, putting the knife to his neck. When I noticed who it was. _America?_

"What are you doing here." I hissed taking the knife away from his neck, it was dangerously close before.

"Um, dude, the meeting's being held here, remember." He stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"No. It was canceled due to snow and was rescheduled a week from today in big brother Russia house. How did you even get in?" I asked as I looked out the window, snow covered half the window and by the looks of it, it had been snowing hard all night.

He shrugged.

"I came in a few hours ago, when the window wasn't covered with snow." He replied as he made his way to the kitchen.

"Idiot, well I'm going to call big brother and see if he can help us get out, since we appear to be snowed in." I called as I walked up the stairs and into my room.

I found my phone. It was inside a drawer, and uncharged because I never use it. I pugged it into the wall to charge it and saw that the power was out. No wonder it had been so cold this morning. Shit. I thought as I put the phone back in the drawer and walked down the stairs.

"Hey, idiot. Do you have a phone?" I called as I walked down the stairs again and to the American.

"Yep. It's right here!" He exclaimed happily while pulling it out.

He clicked the power button. After waiting a few minutes, he announced the phone was dead, he had forgotten to charge it. I inwardly sighed while walked towards the stairs.

"Stay downstairs and don't break anything. The remote is under the TV." I said tiredly walking up the stairs.

I walked down the hall and into my room. Closing the door quietly behind me. I walked over to my closet and let the rope fall at my feet alongside my tank top, and short shorts as I pulled on more appropriate clothes. I settled on a long sleeve shirt with matching long pants. I didn't want him to see my scars. He'd probably think I'm a freak, I thought, the thought of the American thinking I was a freak made made me uncomfortable. I walked over to my bed before collapsing in it and falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

~Two Hours ~

I woke up, momentarily forgetting that I was no longer alone in the large house. I shifted and turned coming face-to-face with the American. As if on instinct I reached for my knife and brought it dangerously close to the american's face.

"What are you doing in my bed!? You pervert!" I hissed, bringing the knife closer to his face.

"I-It was c-cold downstairs!" He stuttered as he recoiled away from the knife that had dried blood tattooing it.

"Just go down stairs, eat and leave me ALONE." I replied dryly as I walked to the door and opened it waiting for the American to get out f my room.

He caught on quickly and walked out the door. I was about to close it when, a sneaker got in the way.

"Um, can I ask you a question?" He asked,

"Fine, hurry." I replied,

"Why does your knife have blood on it?" His eyes full of curiosity.

Probably expecting a action story, like, I was fighting a bear or something.

"It's not important" I said closing the door, as I heard his footsteps travel down the hall and then down the stairs.

I put the knife in its drawer as I walked over to my personal bathroom. I walked in and turned the tap in the tub on, the warm water filling it quickly. I poured some bubble bath soap into the water. The sweet smell of the bubbles filling the room. My clothes fell at my feet as I slipped into the water. The liquid caressing my scarred skin. I hid in the bubbles, so the bubbles were covering everything. Only my head was showing. I had almost fallen as sleep when I heard the door knob open. I looked over. At the door stood a blushing Alfred as he walked in sheepishly.

"Um, hey. I just had a quick question. Where do you keep all you good food? Like, you know, burgers and smoothies." He asked,

"I don't have any" I replied curtly

"DUDE! How do you live!?" The American asked.

Wide eyed and bewildered. He looked kinda cute.

"Just get out!" I yelled.

I could feel color rushing to my face, due to the fact that the only thing I was only wearing was bubbles.

"Fine, fine I'm going down stairs to check your kitchen some more." He answered leaving the room with a long exaggerated sigh.

When he left, I quickly got out of the tub, leaving it to drain. I walked back into my room, and into my closet. The large closet felt comforting. I walked around, looking at my clothes. I walked to a section of my closet were I kept my dresses. I settled on leggings, with a navy dark blue dress with long sleeves and ruffles. I liked this dress. I slipped it on, over the leggings and walked out of the closet and into my room, over to a mirror. I looked at myself in it. My brown hair lay at my shoulders, wet and clumped, since I haven't brushed it yet, and my eyes looked tired and sad. I looked over to the door, it wasn't locked. I rushed over to it quickly and locked it, before returning to the mirror. I rolled up my sleeves to a little further up then my elbow, and stared at the array of red and white lines. The white lines were old cuts that had healed and were only scars now. The red ones still hurt to touch. I quickly rolled my sleeves down again, unlocked the door, and walked down the stairs. I walked into the kitchen to see the American eating. Not surprising I thought as I walked over.

"Hey idiot, if you eat like that we'll run out if food in a day" I replied, thinking back to us being snowed in, it could be a day until the snow melts around this time of the year, or it could be a week.

"But, I'm hungry!" He whined I looked over what he had eaten.

Two cereal boxes and a gallon of milk. _Not bad_ I thought, remembering a time I saw him eat twenty hamburgers and still be hungry. I looked at the kitchen counter, and something caught my eye. I walked over and picked it up. A vodka bottle? Really? He had drank vodka. A lot of vodka. My eye twitched at the thought of having to take care of the drunk American. I looked a him. He wasn't there anymore. He was in the living room. I stormed in, still holding the bottle of vodka. It that what he did when he went over to people's houses? Drank the vodka they kept for their Russian big brother? When he's hungover in the morning I am not taking care of him! I thought. I stood in front of him as he laid on the couch lazily. He was defiantly drunk I though, as I held the bottle up higher so he could see it.

"Hey idiot, why'd you drink this?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I waited for his response.

He didn't respond. "I'm talking to you!"

I was waving a hand in front of his face, getting slightly irritated.

"You cute when you'er mad." He replied, grinning as he stood up.

I stood stunned. _Did he just call me cute?_ I thought.

"What?" I asked a little surprised

"Hey Nat?"

"What?" I replied

"Do you like me?" He asked

"No..." I replied.

That's when he did it.

He leaned in and kissed me. His lips felt soft, warm, loving against mine. I put my hands in his hair. His hands were on my hips, pulling them to his. I felt his tongue slide across my bottom lip, and then him grin into the kiss, as he laid back on the couch. In the position we were in, I was currently straddling him. I pulled away from the kiss, I had either leg on one side of the American, my hands were on his chest. My eyes widen and I blushed as I realized what had just happened. I jumped off the compromising position we were in, and ran up the stairs, and into my room. Shut my door and locked it. I felt my stomach grumble, but there was no way I was going back downstairs.

Alfred's POV

I smile to myself. Was she blushing? I thought as I heard her lock her door. I thought about the kiss and touched my fingers to my lips. I looked at the vodka bottle sitting on the floor, the only reason it was half finished was because I spilled some of it, I didn't even drink it. I'm sober...but not for long! I thought as I picked the bottle up off the floor and took a swig. The smooth liquid burned my throat. I shuddered a little, but took another swig anyway. Ivan drinks this crap all the time! I thought as I took another gulp of the drink, as my mind wondered what Natalia thought about the kiss.

Natalya's POV

I walked over to my bed, and stared at my nightstand. Inside it was my knife. My knife I thought. I opened the drawer and pulled out the knife. There were a lot of knifes in there. But my favorite was this one. It was the prettiest, the sharpest and... the bloodiest. I picked up the knife, walked over to the bathroom sink and held it above my wrist. I didn't know why I was doing this, I guess it was just out of routine. Wake up. Eat breakfast. Cut. I was about to make the first cut, when my mind raced back the American downstairs. _You like him_, A voice in my head said _but he'll never love you back! You know why? Because you cut yourself! Your a freak!..and he...he's perfect._ I dropped the knife into the sink. How could I be so stupid! To think that he would ever like me! I'm a horrible, pathetic person. A liar... A cutter... He would never love me. "Never" I whispered to myself as the tears continued to fall. The echo of each tear as it fell into the sink...on top of the knife. He probably didn't mean it when he asked if I liked him. He probably meant as friends, and he was drunk he didn't know what he was ...that's it, he was drunk. I didn't want to believe he was drunk, but that was the only explanation as to why he would ask that...and call me cute. I laid in bed and feel asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

~Day Two~The Next Morning~

I woke up shivering. The power was out, meaning I had no heat. I wrapped the blanket tighter to my chest, and shivered again. My eyes flew open, remembering a small detail. America was downstairs...and had no blanket or pajamas. I suddenly felt guilty. I walked into my closet and quickly changed into clean clothes. After I was changed in clean clothes and my teeth were brushed I walked into the guest room took the big blanket that was there, and a pair of pajamas that were Russia's. He keeps an extra pair here incase he ever has to sleepover, so does Ukraine. I walked down the stairs quietly, and looked out the window. It was still snowing today. I walked into the living room to see America curled into a ball on the couch tying to stay warm. His breathing was heavy and he looked sick.

"Um, Alfred..." I whispered as I nudged him with the blanket.

"Yeah Nat?" He said tiredly, while sitting.

"I brought this" I said, handing him the big blanket and and the pajamas.

"Oh, thanks!" He replied getting up.

"It looks like we're going to be snowed in today also..." I whispered as I stared out the window at the blizzard that was happening outside.

"Aww, man... I hate winter!" He replied while he stared out the window longingly.

_Problably wishing he was away from you! You freak!_

"Go get changed, I'll start a fire" I said, motioning towards the fireplace.

He nodded and walked to the bathroom to shower and get changed. My stomach grumbled. I hadn't eaten anything yesterday. I started the fire and then I walked over to the kitchen. I grabbed a mug. Started the espresso machine and waited...and waited. A few minutes later it was ready. I grabbed the mug and an apple and sat on the floor in front of the fireplace. I heard the shower turn off. I waited for the American to come out. His blue eyes looked...amazing today. The tension in the room was thick and uncomfortable as we stared at each other's eyes. My dark purple ones, his light blue ones. I turned back to face the fire, I was sitting cross legged in front of it. The expresso in one hand, the apple on my lap.

"Um, Nat... I'm going to get something to eat." He said as he walked into the kitchen, his sandy blonde hair sticking to his skin from the shower.

About half a hour later, I was done with my apple and he was done with his breakfast. I walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Alfred, do you want medicine, you look kind of sick." He did look kind of sick...I left him downstairs in the middle of winter without heat or a blanket.

I'm a horrible person I thought to myself. He shook his head.

"I feel fine, really." He said.

"Um, okay..." I said awkwardly waiting for him to leave the kitchen.

I had forgotten to take my anti-depressants yesterday. So I have to take them today. I shifted my weight uncomfortably waiting for him to leave, so he wouldn't have to see me taking medication. I didn't want him to see me like that. _Taking medicine_ the voice laughed _like a freak, why can't you be normal?_! I cringed, and Alfred as if sensing something was happening asked.

"Hey Belarus, are you okay?" He asked taking a step forward.

"Um, yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I said nervously.

"Oh, okay."

"Why don't you go into the living room and warm by the fire? It's cold in here." I said casually.

"Uh, yeah sure." He said walking into the living room.

As soon as I thought he was out of earshot, I quickly walked over to my medicine cabinet and pulled out the little bottle that held the white pills. I dropped two into my hand and filled a glass of cold water. I quickly popped the pills into my mouth and swallowed them with water.

"Hey, Nat. Whatcha doing?" He asked walking back in.

His eyes glued to the bottle. I started to panic. _Fuck!_ I thought he was in the living room! I thought to myself. I wrapped my pale fingers around the bottle to conceal what it said.

"Nothing." I spat while turning around to put the medicine away.

His hand caught my wrist and turned me to look at him.

"Natalya...I know what they are. They're anti-depressants, and it's okay" He said while hugging me to his chest.

"I had to take them before, too." He added with a small smile.

Then I remembered the time when America was depressed. His people called it the Great Depression.

"Oh, I remember" I said quietly into his chest, I didn't want him to know...and now he did.

Now he knows I'm depressed. The only person who knows besides my sister is Toris and that's because I trusted him enough to let him know. Toris is...my only friend.

"Okay, now let's go into the living room, it's freezing in here!" He said while running over into the living room and jumping on the couch.

I followed slowly. I felt pathetic and worn down. _Wow, attention seeker much?_ The voice said as I walked into the living room _you don't deserve to be cared about! _I swallowed the lump in my throat, and sat in front of the fireplace. I wrapped the blanket around myself tightly. The forming tears were clouding my vision. I don't know why I cared so much about Alfred knowing I was depressed. I heard America say something. I couldn't hear him, I was already listening to something else, the voice continued to scream things at me. _You know why he would never like you? Because you'er ugly and depressed! You could never make him happy! People never fall in love with sad girls._ I felt like those words were true. Those words...cut deeper then any knife ever could. I completely wrapped myself in the blanket as I started to cry. Silent tears slipped down my cheeks, as I covered my face, as to not let the American see it. _Oh, wow...You'er crying! Pathetic! _The voice laughed. I felt myself be lifted off the ground into a warm embrace. I kept crying some more as the voice continued, _Attention seeker! Why don't you just go die! Your useless anyway! Cut deeper! _I sobbed into Alfred's chest as he patted my back and whispered soothing words into my ear. I probably looked like a wreck, but I didn't care. For some reason the only thing I cared about was the steady beat of his heart. It calmed me, to the point of full blown sobbing, until I was only sniffling and hiccuping. I wrapped my arms around him.

"Thank you" I whispered.

"You don't have to thank me. I was just being a hero! Hero's help people in need" He said.

"You didn't have to" I replied as I moved off him, so I was sitting next to him on the couch.

"Sure I did. I don't like it when girls cry" he said as he wrapped an arm over my shoulder.

We sat in silence for a few minutes starting at the orange flames that were engulfing the firewood. I cuddled into the American's arm, right now I didn't care. I let him pull me close to him, as he kissed the top of my head.

"Hey Nat, why do we never talk? I don't know very much about you, why is that?" He asked, tilting his head so he could look at me.

"I don't know. No one ever asks about me..."

"Well...I want to know about you" he said as I slipped my fingers into his hand.

He rubbed circles into the back of my hand, as he talked.

"Okay... I don't know were to start..." I said, I could feel color rising to my cheeks.

"How about I ask you a question and you answer it the best way you can. Deal."

"Deal" I said, wondering what questions he would ask...and why he would want to know more about me.

"Um, let me see...how about...the last time you ate a hamburger?" He asked.

His eyes full of genuine curiosity.

"I've actually never had one..." I replied sheepishly.

He stared at me wide eyed, as if I'd just said that cows could lay eggs or something ridiculous like that.

"DUDE! You're kidding right!" He said loudly, while his face wore an expression of pure horror.

"No..." I said quietly, color rising to my cheeks.

"As soon as the snow melts, I'm bringing you to go eat a burger with me!" He said, as I snuggled into his arm.

"Okay. If you're happy." I replied.

The orange flames flickering as it finished one of the logs.

"How about question número dos!" He said excitedly.

"Fine" I replied as I looked up at the American.

"Okay! I have a good question this time!"

"What is it?" I replied tiredly.

"What's your favorite food?" He asked. Again he was overly excited.

"Um, maybe...apples or chocolate" I replied.

"Yeah, I like chocolate, but not apples. They're too healthy." He said. A scowl on his face as he said apple.

"Yeah..." As said quietly.

He was still in some sort of trance as if remembering a bad memory that was associated with apples.

"Question three!" He said/yelled as if he was announcing a football game.

"Do you like warm weather or cold weather?" He asked.

"Cold" I replied almost instantly.

I loved cold weather. I could wear sleeves and no one would ask me why.

"Why? I hate cold weather" he replied, while taking a look at the window and back at me.

"I like it because it's comforting. You can stay home all day wrapped in a blanket and no one can tell you no."

"Oh. Makes sense...I guess." He replied.

"Oh..okay" I whispered as I fell asleep in his arm.


	4. Chapter 4

Alfred's POV

Her breathing slowed down after she responded. I looked at her to check if she was sleeping or not. Yep, defiantly sleeping. I picked her up, and walked towards the stairs. Careful not to fall on the way up. Once in the hallway upstairs I walked into her room. I pulled the covers back, and gently placed her in her bed. Afterwords, tucking her in. I made my way to the door but felt like something as missing. I looked back at her as she slept in the bed. I walked over and quickly placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Walking over to the door after doing so. This time it felt like I had done everything. I walked down the stairs. Boy, this house sure felt a lot colder without Nat. I looked at the Hearst. The fire was out, and there was no more firewood left either. I laid on the couch and pulled the blanket around myself. I looked at the clock it was a little past noon. I got up and went to the kitchen to get something to eat. The image of Natalya crying reappearing multiple times in my head. The image made me want to run up the stairs and tell her how I felt about her. I was too much of a coward to tell her earlier...to tell her...I love her. I just want to make her happy and let her know she's safe...Is that too much?

~Day Three~ ~The Next Morning~

Natalya's POV

I woke up the next morning starving. I then realized how little I had eaten in the past few days. I pulled the blankets off myself and then stopped- _how had I gotten upstairs? _If I remember correctly I had fallen asleep downstairs...next to Alfred. I smiled to myself as I thought of the American bringing me up the stairs and tucking me in. _He probably did it because he thought you were pathetic! He probably thinks you'er weak and pitiful! _I felt a wave of sadness washed over me at the thought of those words being true. They probably were...because really...who would care about _me_? I felt tears fill my eyes as I got out of bed. I sighed in an effort to clear my eyes of the forming tears. An effort done in vain. I looked over at my nightstand, the single drawer that separated me from what was inside it. Inside it were feelings. Or in other words my knife. My knife was what brought out the only feeling I had left. Pain. I opened the drawer as my pale fingers wrapped around the handle of the knife. I walked into the bathroom and stood in front of the sink. I looked at my reflection, I then pulled up my sleeve and looked down at my wrist. I slid the knife across my wrist slowly, applying more force as it went along. I did that multiple times. Each time the knife left a trail of red. By the time I was done, my cheeks were tear stained and the sink had been painted red but not by paint, but by blood. I turned on the sink. As soon as there was no evidence of what I had done, I placed my wrist under the running water. My face contorted and I let out a soft hiss as the water came in contact with my cuts. I slowly turned off the water and backed away from the sink. I looked at the knife that was sitting guilty in the sink. I picked it up washed it under the running water and them walked over to my nightstand. I opened the drawer and looked inside. Inside it were other bloody knives that were already dull. I placed my knife that was still wet from the water, on top of the other knives. They clinked as I shut the drawer and made my way back to the bathroom, leaving a trail of red on the floor. Each time I took a step, a drop of blood hit the ground. I shuddered and quickly wrapped my wrist with bandages and then pulled my sleeve down. I then went and cleaned the trail of blood that went from my bathroom to my nightstand. I went to the bathroom and thru away of the paper it had took to clean the blood off the floor. I sighed and washed my hands. I looked up at my reflection. A stupid mistake. _Look how ugly you are! Geez...I didn't know people could be so ugly and stupid! _I let in a shaky breath. _Why don't you just die? You're a burden on the world! Useless...and lonely...But you deserve it! You deserve to be lonely! _I walked back into my room before walking over to my window. I looked out as it snowed softly. I looked out at the trees that were covered in white jailers. Or in other words, snow. I looked out to the horizon, and saw a bird. A single bird. Aren't birds supposed to be migrating? I thought logically as I looked at the black bird. It was struggling against the wind and sleet...until it's wings finally faltered and it pivoted to the ground. Hitting a tree on its way to death. Then I cried. I don't know if it was for the bird or for myself. But I cried. It was an anguished cry that brought me to my knees. I put my hands on the floor to steady myself as sobs raked my body. The image of the bird hitting the tree somehow merged with my bloody wrist. Thoughts of death replayed over and over in my mind- and then a scary a picture surfaced in my mind. It was me. Covered in blood on the bathroom floor...dead.


	5. Chapter 5

~An Hour Later~

I walked down the stairs, after I had regained control of my mind and had had enough crying for one day, after I had taken a shower, brushed my teeth and got changed. I saw Alfred on the couch watching a television. I walked past him and into the kitchen. I was starving. Literally starving. I didn't know what I was going to eat, but I didn't care. I was so hungry it didn't matter what I ate, as long as I ate something. I looked and saw bagels. I hastily put one in the toaster and turned it on. I made myself a hot chocolate too. About five (give or take) minutes later, both the bagel and hot chocolate were finished. I walked into the living room, before settling in next to Alfred. He acknowledged my presence by wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I snuck a peek out the window. Yep...still snowing. I was starting to get cabin fever, and I'm pretty sure I was not the only one.

"G'morning, Nat" Alfred said as he clicked Netflix on the television.

"Good morning, Alfred" I replied as I handed him some clothes big brother Russia had left here. The clothes I had found were, a pair of black sweatpants and...a Captain America t-shirt that big brother had bought, to make fun of America. The clothes would obviously big big on Alfred, but it was better than nothing...

It was about 11 in the morning. I was pretty tired. I yawned and rested my head on his shoulder.

He smiled.

_Why?_ I thought.

"Good morning." I replied.

He scrolled down the movies and tv shows. Before finally settling on a scary movie.

American horror story.

Yeah, I had watched the movie before...multiple times.

"Nat? Have you ever seen this movie?" He asked as he read the preview for it.

"Yeah, a few times." I replied. I had watched it once with big brother. Twice with big sister. A fourth time with Toris and Feliks...Ugh, that had been the worst time. Feliks had talked the whole time, criticizing how he though it wasn't scary, and Toris had almost cried. And I had watched it once by myself.

"Okay, don't spoil it for me! I haven't watched it yet! I heard it's really scary!"

I smiled. He doesn't know what he's in for. I thought. The first time I saw it, I was scared. But then, I remembered how much Feliks had complained about the movie not being scary. Well, Feliks complains about everything...and I know that he was scared. Even if he claims that he wasn't. I know he was. He almost screamed in the basement scenes. I thought, remembering Toris' Polish boyfriend's face of fear.

The next four hours consisted of the American pausing the movie to scream in terror, or go get food. I yawned as I watched the movie for what seemed like the twentieth time. I sat up and looked at the clock 3:57. I had spent my whole day with Alfred and it felt like it was only and hour or two. I cuddled into his side as he chose a new movie, after he had labeled the other movie, too scary.

"Hey Nat, I'm going to go get a drink...and change into this clothes. Pick a good movie while I'm gone okay." He replied while he pushed himself off the couch with his elbows. Grabbing the clothes I had brought him in one hand. I nodded as I grabbed the remote in my hands and started to search for a good movie. The Hunger Games. No. Twilight... Hell no. I gave up. I was to lazy to find a movie I could assume we would both like. My mind wandered to Alfred. It had been doing that a lot lately and it was starting to get annoying...a little flustered. Every twenty minutes Alfred would cross my mind, only to leave my flustered and blushing. Where was he anyway?

"Hey idiot, where are you?" I asked aloud as I stood up and walked to the kitchen.

I walked into the kitchen to see Alfred drink vodka.

Fuck.

"Hey Nat!" He hiccuped, on the word hey, as he walked over and winked. At first I was taken aback, but then I remembered that he was drunk. The only logical reason as to why he would show any feelings towards me. Even if it was minuscule. He walked across the kitchen before, he placed his hands on my hips as I blushed furiously. He grinned, and threw me over his shoulder. I blushed more as we walked up the stairs and into my room. Where were we going there? I didn't really care. It felt weird to be wanted...loved. Even if he was drunk. We walked into my room, and he laid me on my bed before kissing my neck and whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

"Hey Nat..." He asked into my ear. His voice husky and manly.

"Yeah?" I moaned back, as his hands pulled the dress over my head and thru it across the room.

"Do you want to...you know...go all the way?.." he asked shyly as scarlet coated his cheeks, and lust painted his eyes.

"Yeah..." I whispered into his ear, as I let my fingers run through his golden hair.


	6. Chapter 6

~The Next Morning~

I yawned and cuddled up to the warmth laying next to me..._Alfred_? I jerked away abruptly before remembering what had happened last night... His voice. My voice. Our bodies. Oh, fuck. What had happened. God, I remember what happened...Every single detail...Even though I wish I didn't. My cheeks burned as I realized we were both naked under the blanket. I heard him stir as I pulled on his shirt that I found on the floor next to the bed. Captain America. The hero. Great...just great. I pulled it on quickly, just as the American was waking up.

"G'morning Nat" he said sleepily as he pulled me down into his arms, and plopped a sloppy kiss onto my lips.

"U-Uh, good morning Alfred" I stuttered out, as my face burned a brighter shade of red.

"I'm going to go take a shower" he announced softly in my ear.

"Okay. I'll go take a shower too... In a different shower of course!" He reached for his boxers before slipping them on, and getting up. I blushed. He wasn't wearing a shirt. He waved as he walked out of the room. I gingerly waved back, I could feel that my face was red. As soon as he left I picked up the blanket and wrapped it around myself and walked to the bathroom. When I finally got there, I through the blanket in the hamper and the shirt too, before turning the shower on and getting in. The cold water felt good on my hot skin. I washed my long hair and scrubbed my body with a scented body wash. My mind was filled with flashbacks of last night...and then I remembered something. Something bad. He had bit my neck. I quickly turned the shower off, I was done anyway, and jumped out, quickly going over to the mirror. Sure enough, it was there. A black and blue, and a little purple, hickey. I started to panic. We had a world conference soon...Would it be gone by then? I looked out the window to see if we were going to be snowed in day.

Luckily it wasn't snowing and we could go out... And he could leave me. We weren't snowed in anymore. In the middle of all the realization, of not being snowed in anymore, I felt sad. Since we weren't going to snowed in anymore, Alfred would leave...and I would miss him. Alfred. America. Idiot. His name ran thru my head. I would miss the bastard. The hamburger eater, the smoothie drinker. I would miss him. I quickly walked out of the bathroom and into my closet. I pulled out one of my black and purple dresses, and thru it on. I walked over to my mirror and picked up my hairbrush and began to brush the knots out of my hair. Once I was done brushing my hair, I picked up my favorite dark purple bow and placed it were I always did. On top of my head, closer to the front of my head. I got up and went back I to my closet and got a pair of black leggings, and then I looked for my shoes. I found my black flats, and slipped those on, before finally deeming myself presentable and walking into the hallway. I slowly made my way down the stairs, and saw Alfred getting his clothes from the dryer.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey Nat, I hope ya don't mind me using your washer and dryer."

"I mind." I replied in mock vexation as I curtly walked passed him. Bumping shoulder, so he knew I was kidding.

He smirked, but it fell almost as quickly as it had taken form.

"It's not snowing anymore..." He said quietly.

"I know...you can leave now"

"But I don't want- never mind" he murmured as he picked up his clothes and walked into the bathroom to change.

The door clicked shut.

"I'll miss you..." I whispered quietly to myself as I recalled his arms around me, or watching movies together or...last night.

~Thirty Minutes Later~

He came out of the shower. His hair wet, and his jacket in the crook of his arm.

"Um, Nat... Goodbye, and thank you...for letting me stay here." He mused shyly.

"O-Oh okay, you're welcome. Now leave." I replied, hastily turning my back to him.

"Okay, fine, and bye!" And with that he walked out the front door. Letting the door close softly behind him.

I jumped on the couch and brought the pillow to my face.

Why do I care if he leaves? He can leave. He's supposed to leave. People always leave me. He couldn't possibly stay with me forever. Even thought I wish he could. His warmth. His steady heart beat. I missed him already. I moped into my kitchen. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Repeated itself in my mind. His cowlick. Glasses. Bomber jacket. Joyful blue eyes. Abs. Cheerful voice. Warm hands. His smile.

I laid on the couch a few more minutes before remembering that today was Monday, and on Wednesday we would have the world meeting at big brother Russia's house. I walked up the stairs and walked past my bedroom, blushing profusely as I remembered last night, I walked down the hallway and into my office. Time to get work done. The meeting is going to be held Wednesday so, that means I have the rest of today, and tomorrow to get ready...that's reasonable I guess. I sat down at my desk and started typing. I couldn't concentrate. I had written a whole page of Alfred I love you. Alfred I love you. Alfred I love you. Alfred I love you. I sighed in frustration as I rubbed my temples, hoping it would help me think of something else. I didn't. All I could think about was that annoying American, who had wedged himself into my heart

I hut my head against my desk in frustration as I ran my fingers through my hair. Was I actually in love? I imagined the American in my mind. Alfred. I needed to clear my mind...because really...he was too good for me.

Alfred's POV

Walked out of Belarus's house and walked down the street. The streets were icy and the air was cold. God, I hated cold weather. I slipped my coat on and walked quickly down the street, I could see a town. My hope was that I could find a town and charge my phone. Then I could call Mathew and he would come pick me up. I shivered as a cold breeze passed me by. Then a car. Then a woman and a child. They didn't even look cold! It was freezing here!

I walked into the town and looked around. It was nice, and not too big. I liked it. It was a beautiful small town with ivory homes that had small window boxes for flowers. It was peaceful, unlike my noisy streets of California or New York. I saw a woman walking down the street holding the hand of a small boy.

"Excuse me miss, do you have a phone I could borrow?" I asked.

"Yes, right here." She replied in perfect English, as she handed me her phone. The boy timidly hid behind her skirt.

"Thank you!" I replied politely, as I dialed Matthews phone number.

Ring, ring, ring- the ringing was interrupted by Matthew's meek voice.

"Hello?" He replied quietly from the other end of the phone.

"Hey, Matt. I need you to come pick me up."

"What? Alfred is that you? Where are you?" His soft voice questioned worriedly.

"In Belarus...it's a long story I'll tell you when I get back, okay?"

"Yeah, fine I guess. I'll send someone to pick you up. We've all been worried about you."

"What? Why?"

"Because no one was hearing from you and you disappeared without telling anyone, so I went to look for you and found that you weren't at you're house."

Fuck.

"Oh, yeah... Sorry about that Matt."

"Why are you in Belarus?"

"Matt, I'll tell you when I get back, okay?"

"Fine, and stop calling me Matt! My names Mathew!"

"Whatever, Matt. I'm hanging up now. Bye."

"Bye."

And with that I clicked the end call button and handed the phone back to the lady.

"Thank you." I said to her as I handed her, her phone back.

"It was no problem." She responded with a smile.

I nodded and walked into the town.

Belarus's POV

I sat silently on the couch at my house. I sighed. I missed Alfred...a lot.

~The Next Day~

Alfred's POV

I got off the plane and walked into the airport. I felt jet lagged and tired. I yawned. Apparently when Canada said he was sending someone to pick me up, he lied. All he really did was send plane tickets back to New York.

I walked out of the airport and in the direction of my apartment.

I had to admit, I missed my country. I walked past snow capped trees and the park filled with shivering children building a snowman.

A few of them waved to me. I smiled waved back, offering my young civilians a gentle greeting.

~Twenty Minutes Later~

I sighed and kicked off my boots as I walked into my apartment. I had missed my old home. The smell of comfort and familiarity, filled my senses as much as it did my memory. I lounged on my couch as I thought about how long it would be until I saw Natalya again. The next time I woudlnt see her would be at the world meeting...in three days! I couldn't wait that long! I missed her. I needed her. I needed my snow princess. My mind ran through not-so-distant memories of Natalya. Her hair. Her smile. Her- My thoughts were interrupted by a knocking on my door. I jumped up and went to open it.

"Matt? Arthur? Francis? Why are you guys here?" I asked in confusion.

"Because we came to check on you mon ami!" Francis replied, like if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Stop being a brat and let us in." Arthur replied while pushing his way past me.

"Uh, okay." I replied, stepping aside for Matt, and Francis to pass.

They walked in, and sat on my couch.

"Where the bloody hell where you!?" Arthur questioned aggressively, as the caterpillars he had for eyebrows rose in a questioning manner.

"I was in Belarus." I replied simply.

"Did Natalya know you were there." Matt asked.

"I dunno." I lied, as I yawned tiredly, because I really was tired.

"So... What did you do there?" Francis asked with a wink.

"I don't follow..."

"Did you...get lucky?" The French man asked as he winked again.

"NO!" I replied as I sat up and walked into the kitchen.

"Really, c'mon! I can tell that you did!" Francis pestered some more, as the three men followed.

"How can you tell?" I asked distractedly as I looked through my fridge.

"I'm the country of l'amour! How could you forget!" He exclaimed dramatically, placing the back of his hand on his forehead.

"Oh, yeah... I remember now."

"C'mon wanker answer the goddamned question. Truthfully this time."

"What question?"

"Bloody Mary..." Arthur muttered under his breath before being interrupted by Francis.

"Did you fuck someone?!"

"Yes, okay, yes! I did! happy now!?" I yelled back, as I walked back into my living room.

"Who was it! Who was it!" Francis asked excitedly.

"Forgive me for interrupting... But I couldn't help but overhear... And I too was wondering, who was it? Who did you... You, know... Do it with?" Japan asked quietly from the couch.

"I'll tell you once I get these goons out of here." I replied as I pushed Francis, Arthur and Matthew out the door, locking it behind me.

"Was it Natalya?..." Kiku questioned from the couch.

"Yeah, it was." I replied. Closing the curtain, so I wouldn't have to see Francis, and Arthur who were outside with my brother.


	8. Chapter 8

Francis' POV

"Why the hell did he kick us out!" I yelled as I walked down the street. Arthur following. Mathieu had taken a cab somewhere, if I remember correctly he had said where he was going, but I can't remember where...What was I talking about again? eh, whatever.

"Because frog, you were being annoying!" He spat back as he jogged to catch up to me.

"Humph! I was not."

"You actually were." He said back crossing his arms afterwards.

I scoffed.

"I just wanted to find out who the guy fucked! Is that too much?"

"Kinda, but why would he tell you?"

"I dunno, maybe because I'm Francis."

"Whatever."

~A Few Days Later~

Alfred's POV

"Alfred-San wake up. You will arrive late if you do not."

"What is it Kiku?" I asked groggily as I woke up, to see Kiku' face hovering above me.

"We have a world meeting today. Do you not remember? We took a plane to Russia to attend."

"Oh, yeah! I remember now!" He replied as I opened my eyes and I jumped out of bed, we had come all the way to Russia to attend the world meeting.

Today I would see Natalya again.

~Thirty Minutes Later~

I had showered and changed by now and was on my way to the meeting. China had come and picked up Japan, while I was getting ready.

I drove in silence until I arrived at Russia's house. That was where the world meeting was going to take place. I parked my car, and stepped out. By the looks of it, most countries were here.

I opened the door of my American car before locking it and closing it.

I shivered.

It was cold out.

Francis' POV

I didn't care how I had to do it but I would find out who he was with!

~Beginning Of Meeting~

Alfred's POV

I sat down next to Matthew as I listened to Germany drone on about shit. I usually cared and added my insightful views to the conversation but today I didn't feel like it. I was content just sitting here looking at Natalya. Her hair lay beautifully at her shoulders and her purple and blue eyes looked mesmerizing. I sighed. Did I love her?

Just then Francis stood up.

Francis' POV

I had been watching America for the last half hour and I was certain that he had been with Natalya. Natalya and him had fucked. I could see it in his eyes. I could see it in her blush. And I was going to make sure everyone found out.

Alfred's POV

Just then Francis stood up.

Everyone looked over at the grinning Frenchman, who looked as if he had just figured something out.

"Well, Francis... What is it?" Germany asked, clearly a little upset at being interrupted.

"Ahem... BELARUS AND AMERICA FUCKED!" He yelled, sitting down casually afterwards.

And then before I knew it, all eyes in the room were on me and Natalya.

I looked over at Natalya as she stood up and dashed from the room.

"Natalya wait!" I called as I ran after her.

I ran into the hall and could faintly see her figure take a left turn up the stairs. I followed.

"Natalya, wait!" I shouted as I ran after her, as she dashed through the hallways and corridors of Russia's eerily manor. She took one last turn before closing a door in my face.

I knocked on the door cautiously, before it slowly creaked open.

There standing looking outside the window was Natalya, and she was crying. I walked across the room quickly and embraced her, the same way I had when we were snowed in. She slowly let herself be hugged, as she melted into my arms. Sobbing quietly into my shoulder.

Why had Francis said that!?

"Natalya... I'm so sorry he said that." I said honestly as I looked at her to see her reflection.

She looked up at me with those beautiful purplish and blue eyes of hers, before looking down at her lap.

"I'm a whore." She said quietly, looking up at me dolefully afterwards to see if I would agree with her.

"Natalya, you'er not! If anyone's a whore here it's me!" I refuted as I gently caressed her jaw with the back of my hand.

She looked down at her lap sadly, and I watched as crystal tears made their way from her eyes to the ruffles on her dress.

"Natalya don't cry." I said as I hugged her again. It was my fault we were in this mess.

"Fancy meeting you here, comrade." Said an angry Russian as he walked into the room... Holding a lead pipe behind him.


End file.
